When Is This Kid Coming?
by LoveLikeYou'reNotBroken
Summary: Lucy is dramatic enough, but with added pregnancy hormones? Forget about it. Random BrettxLucy fluff. Rated T for language. Now a two-shot.
1. Why Are We Having This Kid Again?

"Would you care to stop _petting_ me?"

"I can't touch my daughter?"

"Yeah, when I push her out you can touch her all you want. Not when she's still inside me."

"You're always saying I'm not romantic enough, so when I do try, I get yelled at."

"Well you don't have to fucking pet me."

"Whoa, language babe."

"Since when do you care? And what the hell are you doing?"

"Covering our child's ears because you can't control your horrible vocabulary."

"_My_ horrible vocabulary? You screamed words I wouldn't dare say when we made this kid!"

"Okay, that is totally different. Whatever I say during sex does not count."

"Oh really? So if I just started cursing like crazy during sex, you wouldn't care about your daughter hearing because we were fucking?"

"That's not what I said. I can say it because she won't hear it, but she'll hear you say it because she's inside of _you_. Not me."

"What? That's the biggest bullshit I've ever heard in my life."

"Can you seriously not stop?"

"I learned from the best."

"Ya know, that sarcastic look on your face is really sexy."

". . ."

"Okay, ow! Any reason you decided to hit me?"

"You were being a perv."

"Because I called you sexy?"

"Yup, we don't want our child hearing such inappropriate things."

"Okay, really? You have to twist everything I say?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"I am not a perv."

"Yes, you are."

"You're the one who can't keep her tongue to herself."

"And you can't keep it in your pants."

"You're horrible."

"What?"

"Why the hell are you so pissed?"

"I am not horrible!"

"Lucy, calm down. You know I didn't mean it like that."

"Fine. If I'm so horrible, go be with Kendra."

"Seriously Lucy, I'm not going through this conversation again."

"Because you love her."

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do. Don't deny it."

"Lucy, are you kidding me?"

"See? You don't even have anything to say."

"I don't have anything to say because you're being ridiculous."

"Oh, so now I'm ridiculous?"

"Yes Lucy, you are. Because I married _you _and knocked _you _up. Not Kendra."

"That doesn't mean you don't love her."

"Um, it kinda does."

"No, it doesn't. You could just be with me to make her jealous."

"Do you seriously believe that?"

"Yup. I live by it."

"I take it back, you're not horrible, you're insane."

". . ."

"Ow! Lucy I swear to god you hit me one time…"

"What? You gonna hit me back? Because that would teach your daughter violence and we wouldn't want that."

"Lucy, I swear you drive me crazy."

"But that's why you love me."

"Yeah. For some strange reason I'm unsure of."

"Please, you adore me."

"Well it's kinda hard not to when you're chest is so big."

". . ."

"Okay, seriously I thought we just talked about the hitting thing."

"You only love me because my chest is big?"

". . ."

"Don't sigh and roll your eyes at me!"

"Lucy relax. I love you, your tits are just a bonus."

"_Brett_."

"Okay, okay, I love you and your chest has nothing to do with it."

"Yeah they better not!"

"They don't."

"Good. …Although, they are kinda awesome."

"I think that's the hottest thing I've ever heard you say."

"Eh, I try."

"You're crazy."

"Whoa, Brett what do I always tell you? Don't mess up my hair!"

"Now I can't even touch my wife's head."

"No you can't. It took me two hours to get my beautiful curls to set perfectly. You mess this up and it won't be good for your sex life."

"You're gonna cut me off because I touched your hair?"

"Man, you look terrified. This is fun! But if you wanna touch hair, go touch Patrice's head. God knows how disgusting her hair is."

"Luce, c'mon she's not that bad."

"Oh my god you like her now too!"

"I swear to God I'm not doing this again."

"Because you don't wanna deny it! Brett I can't believe you would-"

". . ."

". . ."

"Ow! Lucy I swear is this kid making you extra violent?"

"Don't kiss me when I'm mad at you."

"Lucy you can yell at me or we can make out. It's up to you."

". . ."

"Well?"

"Get over here."

"That's my girl."

. . .

**A/N: Something random that popped into my head today.**

**Please review!**

**-LoveLikeYou'reNotBroken**


	2. Just Two More Weeks

"_Ughhhhhh_ I'm so fucking tired!"

"I know, babe. I know."

"Shut up, you have no idea what this kid is doing to me."

"I have a few ideas; you've been extra bitchy lately."

"Asshole!"

"Ow Lucy! You seriously need to stop being so violent towards people."

"Then don't call me a bitch."

"Fine, I'm sorry I called you a bitch."

"Yeah, you should be."

"I am."

"Good."

"…Can we make out now?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Because apparently I'm too bitchy for you. Go have fun with Kendra, she's not bitchy."

"Lucy, c'mon baby, you know I didn't mean it like that."

"Yeah, well it still hurts Brett."

"I already apologized."

"Apologies don't magically fix everything Brett."

"Well what do you want me to do?"

"..I don't know."

"Well how am I supposed to do something, if you won't tell me what you want?"

"You- well- you're- you just have to Brett!"

"Well said."

"Oh shut up."

"Why should i?"

"Because you're annoying as fuck."

"Says the lady full of pregnancy hormones."

"Hey, don't you dare complain. You're the one who did this to me."

"Okay. Should I apologize for getting my wife pregnant?"

"Yes."

"Well I'm not gonna."

"Oh that's real mature of you, ya asshole."

"I'm an immature asshole because I won't apologize for getting you pregnant?"

"Yes. You've successfully completed what I just said. Congratulations."

"Thanks."

"You must feel so smart."

"I do."

"Oh my god."

"Hey, don't roll your eyes and get all sassy at me."

"Why not?"

"Because it's rude."

"Since when do I care?"

"Good point…"

"Ugh this kid is so big it's gonna like fall out of my vagina."

"Well there's an unpleasant mental image."

"Like legit, I'm afraid to sneeze."

"Awwww c'mon it can't be that bad."

". . ."

"Why the hell are you glaring at me?"

"I'd kill to see you nine months pregnant and say it's not that bad."

"You really wanna see my nine months pregnant?"

"Well no, cause honestly Brett you'd make one ugly ass woman."

"That's right, I'm all man, baby."

"Um, I didn't say that."

"What are you talking about? I'm hot."

"Well you'd make a hideous woman, like Patrice level hideous, but you ain't to good looking as a man either."

"What? How can you say that? I'm freaking hot!"

"Ya know the fact that you have to tell yourself you're hot is just sad."

"What? I am not sad."

"Yes, yes you are."

"Where the fuck is this coming from?"

"Oh, me and Kendra were talking about hot guys yesterday."

"Excuse me? I swear to god Lucy if _any_ other guy went anywhere near you I'll-"

"Oh calm down, nothing happened. We were just talking."

"Why would you talk about if you're both married?"

"Married doesn't mean blind Brett."

"Lucy, get to the fucking point."

"Fine, anyway she said Archie was hot and I was all 'psshhh you think that cripple's hot?' And she was all 'like Brett is much better!' and then-"

"Kendra doesn't think I'm hot?"

"Exactly. And then of course I defended you because I don't' lose any argument, _ever_. But then I started thinking about it, and she's right."

"What is wrong with you?"

"Well c'mon Brett, I mean your eyes are too far apart, your shoulders make you look awkward, and dear god what is up with your hair?"

"You love my hair!"

"I'm a cheerleader Brett. I can lie."

"You always say how much you love my hair."

"Yeah? And you said you'd never leave me for Kendra, people say a lot of things."

"One time Lucy, one time."

"One time I will never get over."

"Yeah, I've noticed that."

"Ugh, my back is killing me."

"I'm sorry, baby."

"No you're not."

"Yes, I am."

"Ugh, I just want this kid out."

"Two weeks babe, just two more weeks."

"That's not comforting at all."

"Sorry."

"God I hate you."

"I know, Luce. I know."

**A/N: alright I decided to turn this into a two-shot, so I hoped you all liked it.**

**Please review!**

**-LoveLikeYou'reNotBroken**


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